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Sombre Thoughts

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I Loved Her

It’s not that I didn’t like Ms Collins. No, it’s not that at all. In fact, I loved her, I needed her, I wanted her… She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. I remember standing outside her bedroom window, looking in to see her combing her long, dark ebony hair. It was just below her waist. Her eyes… She had blinding green eyes that glistened like stars.

 

Every night she sat at her mirror combing her hair. She practically put on a show, as if she knew I was watching, like she wanted me to watch. When she had finally finished with that she would spray bits of perfume all over her body, even the air above her. It made me sneeze each time, but luckily she couldn’t hear my silent ice-breaker. My nerves couldn’t take much more. I had to move. Before it was too late.

 

I took a sip from the cold water I had at my side, to quench my thirst, before I proceeded. The old clock struck twelve. I moved toward her. I put my hands around her mouth and neck, but not before she could let out a short shriek. She tried to resist. She was strong, for a woman, and she put up a good fight. The candle, which was lit, was burning bright. It had a foul stench once it was extinguished. 

 

My heart raced faster and faster. I knew I had to do it now. I felt her slowly loosening her grip. The sounds of her dying heart were all around me. It’s not that I hated Ms.Collins, I loved her.

 

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

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© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

Guardian Angel

No, my friend. Don’t do this to yourself. I’m right here beside you. I’m in your dreams, your thoughts and your memories. I am everlasting. I miss you where I am. I wish I could tell you what it’s like. The late evening crescent moon, in the shape of a smile, grins down maniacally on the sad girl left behind. You were more than a best friend, you were a sister to me and I’m sorry our friendship was cut short. Here, I sit and watch you. I keep away the evil that tries to befall you. I hear your cries as you mourn for me, but I am right here.

 

I see you drown your sorrows in whiskey and whatever else you can get your hands on, but you need to look up and move on. The strong beverage you force down your throat leaves you gasping for air as you choke on its overpowering flavour. It’s a strong and pain-relieving flavour. I can smell it on you. You’re drenched in cheap wine, sorrow and full of anger. You need to be happy. You need to forgive yourself. 

 

Every night I fly to you. My white, angelic wings lift me off my post – my smile, my moon – and take me to you. I stand beside you and I wish I could tell you that I’m okay. I touch your cheek and it’s warm just like your heart. You feel my presence, don’t you? My dear friend, I will always be with you. I will always be by your side. I will always be there to keep you safe. I will always protect you, but I can only do so much. I can try, but I can never protect you from the one thing that can hurt you… yourself. 

 

I’m right here. 

 

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

It’s as if my mind isn’t my own anymore.You’re all I think about.I’m falling in love with the idea of us.It’s as if my heart isn’t my own anymore.You’re all I want.

 

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

“You and I”

I feel something.

Something different when I look at you.

I used to look at you and smile.

Now I look at you and stop breathing, as I hold my breath in hopes that you’ll smile for me. 

And when you do, I forget everything.

You.

Only you remain in my mind.

You smile from your eyes.

Your eyes.

Just one look from you sends shivers up my spine.

Cliché.

Something comes over me when I see you.

When I see you everyone else disappears.

Everyone says I should tell you, but I can’t. 

I can’t, because you’ll never feel the same.

You’ll never see me the way I see you.

I know there’s no future for you and I.

There is no you and I.

 

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

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© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

Now we’re as good as strangers

We were once so close.
Now we’re as good as strangers.

What would make you push me away?
I try to reach out to you and present my olive branch, but you toss it to the side as fast as you did me.
You hurt me over and over again, and yet…
And yet I still care.
Why do I care about someone who clearly doesn’t care about me?

Am I naïve? Am I just a silly girl? Am I as ignorant as I feel?
I want you to know I care, but then again, you don’t care if I do.
I wish you the best, my once dear friend.

I’m afraid you’ve rejected me one too many times and I can no longer put my heart on the line.
I wish you the best, I really do.
But it’s time for me to look out for what’s best for me.
It makes me sad to know that so many years have gone by and they don’t really mean anything.

We were once so close.
Now we’re as good as strangers.

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

Love spontaneously

Love and live with all of your being. Don’t save the special dinner, roses or chocolates for one day a year.
Love spontaneously.
Surprise her with flowers when she least expects it.
Bring him coffee in bed when he doesn’t want to get up. Spoil each other when you feel like it. Don’t save all your love for one day. Spend all your love all year round.
No matter who you love, love them with everything you’ve got.

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

 

The Other

Where do you draw the line on madness? How do we truly know when one is insane? I was normal once. I went to school, I went to parties, I fell in and out of love, I lived life to the fullest, but now I’m trapped. Trapped in this room, alone. Nothing but four pale walls surround me.

I sit on a clean bed with cream sheets, along with a pillow and a blanket neatly displayed upon it. A faucet stands before me. As I drink the cold water, accompanied by my medication, I feel a chill run down my spine. Such a disgusting taste.

The usual smell of stew brewing lingers in the damp air. It’s the same meal every day, so bland. The nurse arrives a 4pm sharp every day to give me my shot. After all this time, it still hurts. They say it is supposed to help me, but it always makes me feel worse.

I’d feel better if I could move around more, but the icy chains that bind me to my bed don’t allow me. They told me the stay was only temporary. They lied. I’ve been in this prison for three years.

Every night I lie in bed. I fall asleep to the hysterical laughter of The Others. The others like me. Their screams taunt me, slowly pushing me further into insanity. I was 14 when I was put into this god-forsaken place. Now I feel as though I am drowning, struggling to breathe. The more I struggle, the further down I go. I’m living in my worst nightmare.

Three years ago I was put into Heaven’s Stay Asylum for the Mentally Disturbed. They told me that three years ago I murdered my family.

My name is Veronica and I am a murderer. I belong with The Others.

© 2018 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

I'm in so much pain and no amount of drugs can take it away.

© 2018 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

The Unknown

What do we truly apprehend about the monsters and demons we fear so profusely? We assume they are all soulless beasts with no no emotions, but is it true?

The dark woman from the sea, Adriana, is the most feared and relentless of all the demons. Her name suits her well. She resides in The Unknown.

I always heard the ear-aching, teeth-grinding screams of her victims. She is the true master, the one who is to be feared above all else. No human and no demon could stand against her. She always dressed in the same, tired gown. She was only seen wearing a long, black, silk gown. Her nails were painted black, to match her raven hair.

For every kill she made, she let out a scream. A scream of joy.

Rain fell into The Unknown. It battered my back and shoulders. I felt each blow, the next worse than the last. The rain trickled down my face and into my mouth. Even the rain tasted bitter, bitter like Adriana. I always felt cold, perhaps this place matches the temperature of her heart. The smell of blood always lingered in the air. Blood polluted the river that ran beside me.

I felt distraught, for I knew I was next to feel Adriana’s wrath. I, the mere slave of death, could feel her coming toward me, her hatred and fury followed. I knew as I looked into her blood-shot eyes that I had met my maker.

“Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.”

I wish I had no troubled her. How could I have been so careless? Maniacal laughter filled the air. Her screams were the last sounds I heard.

© 2018 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

In the Mist

Death; an instance of a person dying. It was a bitterly cold morning on May 17th 2002. A sudden downfall occurred as I saw them lower her down into the Earth. I couldn’t help but weep. We were married for four years, I loved her. When all was done, I remained as I needed time alone with my love.

Mist began to settle in and a strong essence was all around me. I could feel my feet becoming wet from standing on the saturated ground. I could hardly see, because the mist was too thick. I opened my mouth to sigh only to have the musky and heavy mist plunge its way down my throat. I coughed loudly as I struggled to breathe. I managed to catch my breath and took a look around.

The atmosphere was so morbid and, I know, it was a cemetery. I recall hearing the fluttering of wings. It was a bird, I figured. I then heard the creature’s horrid cry and I realised what it was. It was a crow, one of the most feared bad omens in society. It made a sound so dreadful it frightened itself.

As I knelt down to my knees I felt obligated to not say a word, but to remain in absolute silence. How could I have let her go? I found myself crawling to her tombstone, due to the thickening mist. I could hardly see my own hands in front of my face. I began to feel for the lettering on the tombstone, “Alice Johnson. Beloved daughter. Caring sister. Loving wife.”

Not only had I lost the love of my life, but myself as well. As the crow multiplied and proceeded closer, I let out a single scream. Nothing but darkness surrounded me. I was lost in the mist.

 

© 2018 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

Everything and More

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© 2018 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

Daily Prompt: Argument

via Daily Prompt: Argument

I never wanted you to walk away.

How did it get to this? How did we get to this point? One minute we were hopelessly and madly in love and now…

We can’t stand to be in the same room together. We’re the golden couple. The duo everyone wants to be, but now we don’t even want to be us. To all those who look in we are that perfect couple that met in high school, fell in love, have been together for six years and will probably get married.

On the inside, however, we are anything but perfect.

He shouts, I scream. He hits the door, I throw a glass. He calls me names, I say I don’t love him.

He walks away…

How could I let such trivial things come between me and the man I love? I have done a lot of terrible things,  but never have I pushed someone to walking away from me.

I don’t know if he will come back. Part of me hopes he does, but part of me hopes he doesn’t.

Our once beautiful and pure love has turned into a toxic wasteland that has been slowly releasing it’s poison into our lungs that has slowly been killing us. I can’t idly stand by as I destroy this man. I can’t bare to look myself in the mirror, because I know I’m the reason we got to this place.

I flirted a bit too much, I started pulling away , I threw the first punch…

Now I’m standing by the door of our home, wallowing in the remains of our shattered romance. I let him go. I want him to come back and tell me it’s going to be okay. I want him to come back and tell me it’s for the best. I want him to come back.

And to think that all this started with a stupid argument.

© 2018 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

Strangers

Sometimes the people you try to forget find a way of creeping back into your mind and filling you up with memories. Even though some are good and some are bad, in a way, you miss them. Sometimes you wish you’d never met them, but sometimes you wish you could say hello and start over. Unfortunately life doesn’t work that way.

This is a message to everyone having this feeling and to everyone causing this feeling. Maybe someday things will work out and you will get that hello or maybe things will never work out and, in that case, smile and be grateful for the memories.

© 2018 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

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