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Sombre Thoughts

Think it, Write it…

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Personal Writing

Life sends you many people. Some may stay and some may leave. Be grateful they came at all.

Heavy Thoughts

She didn’t say much, but she always knew what to say. She was the kind of person who thought more than she spoke. She had so many things to say, but no one would listen, so she decided to keep quiet instead. She found a new way to speak, a way to say what she was thinking without having to open her mouth. She wrote it down. She observed all the pain and wrote it down somewhere where no one would see it. She saw straight through the false exterior, the facade.

 

All her life she tried to be the best version of herself and always saw the good in people,  but now she sees the bad, or maybe the truth. The people she thought were her friends turned out to be the serpent beneath the flowers. They were slowly poisoning her from the inside out. If looks could kill… Their faces, their judgemental eyes pierced through her like daggers. She could feel the chills run up and down her spine with each cold glare.

 

She tried to block out the noise, but there was a constant buzz. It was the whispering, the hushed words spoken about her. With each lie, a part of her soul and sanity died, along with the truth. All the lies spread produced a heavy fog which drifted in the air, it was a blanket of pollution, created by them. They were poisoning the air with their poisonous tongues which hisses words of hate. The smell of fear lingered in the air too, her fear. She was too afraid to speak, for every time she did a, seemingly harmless, “friend” would twist her poetry into a rope, and with that rope, they would hang her in front of everyone. She would be exposed and alone. As she wept, they all laughed.

 

Society is filled with judgemental hypocrites and sad people with happy faces. There was one person who could see through that and they killed her. They took a beautiful person and turned her into another used object, purely used as a form of entertainment. She had all these profound and interesting things to say, but now she has swallowed them. She could taste the words tingling her tongue and lingering on her lips., just waiting to come out, but she has taped her mouth. The temptation will no longer exist.

 

Society took a gifted young girl and silenced her. They took away her voice. We blame society, but we are society. If you ask her what’s wrong you won’t get an honest reply, you’ll simply get an “I’m fine.” She wanted the world to know what they’d done to her, how they broke her. She is broken. She is… me.

If you find the courage to speak, what would you say to the world?

 

© 2020 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

Confessions – 4

I only spoke to you for a brief moment, but in that moment I felt so calm and comfortable. I felt safe like I could tell you anything. We spoke on the phone just for two minutes and already you want to see me again.

I have burst into a million stars and a thousand constellations now echo inside me. 

 

© 2020 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

Confessions – 3

I’d give up, but there’s no way out.

I’m trapped… in a maze… a labyrinth.

Possibly, a never-ending abyss.

But who knows for sure?

No one, because no one cares.

No one takes the time to care.

I admit, it would be easier to just ‘give up’, but I can’t do that.

I can’t give in, because then they would win.

And I can’t let that happen.

I’ll fight until I no longer can and I will never give up because I don’t quit.

I will quit this life when my next one starts.

Until then, I will remain trapped in this prison.

An ancient heart in a poisoned youth.

 

© 2020 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

Image by Andrea Wilkins. @andrea_ogies @andrea.ogies_art

Confessions – 2

You made me feel something that I’ve never felt before. You warmed my cold heart and touched my dying soul and woke it from its seemingly endless slumber. You filled the hole inside my heart and now it belongs to you. Is this love? Giving up all that you are to one person. If love means giving up everything for you then strip me of all that I am and leave me bare, but never stop loving me. If I lose you then I will lose myself as well.

 

© 2020 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

Confessions – 1

I go to the local cafe every day at the same time, 8:15 exactly. I order the same thing every time. The rotating baristas all know who I am. You might be wondering as to why I do the same thing every day. Well, the answer is simple. I repeat the same routine day after day just to see her…

I don’t talk to her; I just look at her. She is the most beautiful woman I have ever seen. She has an air about her that makes her irresistible. I see how all the guys look at her, but she doesn’t see any of them. Not even me. Why would she notice us when she is clearly far beyond our reach?

I look forward to seeing what she wears, how she does her hair, and what she orders. She, unlike me, orders a different item off the menu every day – to spice things up, I suppose. I haven’t always been a fan of blonde hair, but she really pulls it off. She’s a natural (I hope). I prefer it when she leaves her hair hanging down, her long wavy locks are magnificent, but nothing compares to those eyes. Her eyes are as blue as the deepest ocean, so dark and mysterious. I love seeing her smile. She has one of the most sincere smiles I’ve ever seen in my life. 

 

I suppose you think I’m some kind of creep, but there’s a reason I haven’t spoken to her. I’m scared she won’t be as good as I think she is. Most times, people create this ideal image of a person and often the reality is more disappointing than never knowing them. I enjoy admiring her from afar. I can only imagine how many guys must hit on her, given her exterior. I’d hate to be just another guy who thought he was good enough for the woman who puts Aphrodite to shame. Her name is Luna. 

I know this because they call out her name every time her order is ready. It’s funny that her name is Latin for the moon; one of the most beautiful sites, just like her. She is exactly what her name suggests; she is beautiful and seems so close, yet she is far from my reach.

 

© 2020 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

I Loved Her

It’s not that I didn’t like Ms Collins. No, it’s not that at all. In fact, I loved her, I needed her, I wanted her… She was one of the most beautiful women I had ever seen. I remember standing outside her bedroom window, looking in to see her combing her long, dark ebony hair. It was just below her waist. Her eyes… She had blinding green eyes that glistened like stars.

 

Every night she sat at her mirror combing her hair. She practically put on a show, as if she knew I was watching, like she wanted me to watch. When she had finally finished with that she would spray bits of perfume all over her body, even the air above her. It made me sneeze each time, but luckily she couldn’t hear my silent ice-breaker. My nerves couldn’t take much more. I had to move. Before it was too late.

 

I took a sip from the cold water I had at my side, to quench my thirst, before I proceeded. The old clock struck twelve. I moved toward her. I put my hands around her mouth and neck, but not before she could let out a short shriek. She tried to resist. She was strong, for a woman, and she put up a good fight. The candle, which was lit, was burning bright. It had a foul stench once it was extinguished. 

 

My heart raced faster and faster. I knew I had to do it now. I felt her slowly loosening her grip. The sounds of her dying heart were all around me. It’s not that I hated Ms.Collins, I loved her.

 

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

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© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

Guardian Angel

No, my friend. Don’t do this to yourself. I’m right here beside you. I’m in your dreams, your thoughts and your memories. I am everlasting. I miss you where I am. I wish I could tell you what it’s like. The late evening crescent moon, in the shape of a smile, grins down maniacally on the sad girl left behind. You were more than a best friend, you were a sister to me and I’m sorry our friendship was cut short. Here, I sit and watch you. I keep away the evil that tries to befall you. I hear your cries as you mourn for me, but I am right here.

 

I see you drown your sorrows in whiskey and whatever else you can get your hands on, but you need to look up and move on. The strong beverage you force down your throat leaves you gasping for air as you choke on its overpowering flavour. It’s a strong and pain-relieving flavour. I can smell it on you. You’re drenched in cheap wine, sorrow and full of anger. You need to be happy. You need to forgive yourself. 

 

Every night I fly to you. My white, angelic wings lift me off my post – my smile, my moon – and take me to you. I stand beside you and I wish I could tell you that I’m okay. I touch your cheek and it’s warm just like your heart. You feel my presence, don’t you? My dear friend, I will always be with you. I will always be by your side. I will always be there to keep you safe. I will always protect you, but I can only do so much. I can try, but I can never protect you from the one thing that can hurt you… yourself. 

 

I’m right here. 

 

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

It’s as if my mind isn’t my own anymore.You’re all I think about.I’m falling in love with the idea of us.It’s as if my heart isn’t my own anymore.You’re all I want.

 

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

“You and I”

I feel something.

Something different when I look at you.

I used to look at you and smile.

Now I look at you and stop breathing, as I hold my breath in hopes that you’ll smile for me. 

And when you do, I forget everything.

You.

Only you remain in my mind.

You smile from your eyes.

Your eyes.

Just one look from you sends shivers up my spine.

Cliché.

Something comes over me when I see you.

When I see you everyone else disappears.

Everyone says I should tell you, but I can’t. 

I can’t, because you’ll never feel the same.

You’ll never see me the way I see you.

I know there’s no future for you and I.

There is no you and I.

 

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

Now we’re as good as strangers

We were once so close.
Now we’re as good as strangers.

What would make you push me away?
I try to reach out to you and present my olive branch, but you toss it to the side as fast as you did me.
You hurt me over and over again, and yet…
And yet I still care.
Why do I care about someone who clearly doesn’t care about me?

Am I naïve? Am I just a silly girl? Am I as ignorant as I feel?
I want you to know I care, but then again, you don’t care if I do.
I wish you the best, my once dear friend.

I’m afraid you’ve rejected me one too many times and I can no longer put my heart on the line.
I wish you the best, I really do.
But it’s time for me to look out for what’s best for me.
It makes me sad to know that so many years have gone by and they don’t really mean anything.

We were once so close.
Now we’re as good as strangers.

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

Love spontaneously

Love and live with all of your being. Don’t save the special dinner, roses or chocolates for one day a year.
Love spontaneously.
Surprise her with flowers when she least expects it.
Bring him coffee in bed when he doesn’t want to get up. Spoil each other when you feel like it. Don’t save all your love for one day. Spend all your love all year round.
No matter who you love, love them with everything you’ve got.

© 2019 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved

 

The Others

Where do you draw the line on madness? How do we truly know when one is insane? I was normal once. I went to school, I went to parties, I fell in and out of love, I lived life to the fullest, but now I’m trapped. Trapped in this room, alone. Nothing but four pale walls surround me.

I sit on a clean bed with cream sheets, along with a pillow and a blanket neatly displayed upon it. A faucet stands before me. As I drink the cold water, accompanied by my medication, I feel a chill run down my spine. Such a disgusting taste.

The usual smell of stew brewing lingers in the damp air. It’s the same meal every day, so bland. The nurse arrives a 4pm sharp every day to give me my shot. After all this time, it still hurts. They say it is supposed to help me, but it always makes me feel worse.

I’d feel better if I could move around more, but the icy chains that bind me to my bed don’t allow me. They told me the stay was only temporary. They lied. I’ve been in this prison for three years.

Every night I lie in bed. I fall asleep to the hysterical laughter of The Others. The others like me. Their screams taunt me, slowly pushing me further into insanity. I was 14 when I was put into this god-forsaken place. Now I feel as though I am drowning, struggling to breathe. The more I struggle, the further down I go. I’m living in my worst nightmare.

Three years ago I was put into Heaven’s Stay Asylum for the Mentally Disturbed. They told me that three years ago I murdered my family.

My name is Veronica and I am a murderer. I belong with The Others.

© 2018 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

I'm in so much pain and no amount of drugs can take it away.

© 2018 by Stacey-Leigh Laycock. All Rights Reserved.

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